Recently
the discipline method at our house has gone to the stars---stick-on
stars that is.
Until I discovered this great method of self-discipline, my four-year-old
daughter, Ka’ssee, seemed to be pretty much in control of our
house and our lives. Things began to really get out of hand when
not even “time-outs” worked anymore.
Being the only child for me in 14 years and the first child for
her father, we have to admit that we played a big hand in spoiling
her. It started out with small things in the beginning with us jumping
every time she whimpered when she was an infant. “What was
the harm in us making our child happy?” Was our philosophy.
But then the spoiling began to grow as she grew into a toddler.
It was almost like a routine that we had fallen into and could not
seem to get out of. She would cry if she wanted her way and we would
soon give in no matter how many times we said “no.”
On the occasions that she was put in ‘time out” it never
seemed to work. She was always right back at her old temper tantrum
ways of getting what she wanted. Not only was she out of hand in
the disciplinary area, she had gotten us to the point that we could
not take her into a store without buying a toy. Needless-to-say,
this was putting a great strain on us and our finances.
But how were we to stop these out-of-control actions that we had
allowed to escalate in the first place? After all none of this had
really been her fault. She was just being a typical four-year-old
that was in total control of her parents.
I knew that just taking drastic actions to reverse the control situation
might be traumatizing to a four-year-old. After all how was she
supposed to understand why Mommy and Daddy had just suddenly “changed.”
I knew that it was going to take some type of child psychology strategy
to put things in the tight direction.
I had remembered reading an article on the internet that had given
several options to child rearing and disciplinary actions. It was
then that I wondered how the self-discipline star strategy that
I had read about would work.
After just a few days of trying it, it was evident that this method
was working wonders for our “problem child.”
It began with my sitting Ka’ssee down and explaining to her
that her behavior was not appropriate and that it was time that
Mommy and Daddy started giving her some guidance. Explaining that
none of the problems were in any way her fault because we had been
the ones to let things get out of control.
I went out and bought a package of stick on stars like the ones
the teachers use for grading “great papers.” I then wrote
her name on a piece of paper and placed the paper on the refrigerator.
I explained that she would be able to earn two stars per day if
she only had two “times out” that day. If she were to
receive three or four “times out” she would only get one
star that day. And anything over four “times out” she
would get no stars.
Her father and I set up a scale for rewarding her for the number
of stars that she earned. If she earned the 14 stars possible for
that week, then she would receive five dollars and perhaps a bonus
dollar. If she received 10 stars she would be given four dollars;
eight stars would get her three dollars; six stars would earn her
two dollars while five stars would only get her one dollar. I then
explained that anything under five stars would mean that she would
not get an allowance for that week.
We further explained that the money she earned for her stars would
be her toy money. If she earned five dollars and something that
she wanted cost $10, she would have the option of either saving
her money up or placing the toy in a lay-away plan at the store.
“There will be no more buying toys on a daily basis,”
I informed her. “When we go to the store it will be only to
get what we went for and nothing more. Crying for a toy everyday
will mean a time out.”
I proceeded to explain that the “times out” would be based
on her behavior. She was already familiar with “times out”
and what they meant. However until now, they hadn’t been working
very well.
Within a couple of days, we began to notice a great improvement
in her behavior. Of course, as with all children, she does get times
out every day. But since we have begun our “star strategy”
there has been a noticeable improvement in her out bursts and temper
tantrums.
“Now just think about it, Ka’ssee,” I tell her when
I see that one is coming on. “You don’t want to get more
than two times out today and certainly not more that four. That
would mean that you will not get any stars for the day if you go
over four times out.”
This suggestion seems to calm her down completely. She has even
shown a greater interest in what she buys now. It’s as though
she realizes that it is her money that she has earned which she
is spending.
I can’t remember where I found this star method, but I am certainly
grateful that I did. It seems to be working in so many areas of
her life. She is learning self-discipline along with how to control
her spending habits, the importance of earning her own money and
even how to count. Each night when she places her stars on her paper
she counts how many that she has so far that week. She then proceeds
to add up how much money she has already earned.
“I like getting my stars,” she says. “I can sell
them to Mommy and Daddy for money to buy toys.”
I can certainly say that this simple little method has calmed our
household down and it has shown a significant help with our budget.
It has also shown me that Ka’ssee will be ready this fall for
preschool.
BY
Teresa P. Thompson
Cyclopse38@aol.com
