The
guest list is a true test of friendship, in my opinion. You'll find
people who will all of a sudden want to be your close friend - just
so they can attend the wedding. You will find those people you knew
10 years ago who want to get in touch with you, because they heard
through the grapevine that you're getting married. Then there will
be the co-workers. They'll all want to go - even if you're not friends
and even if they usually treat you badly. They suddenly become nice.
And then there are those who don't realize all the people that you
have to invite. You and your groom's family will be inviting people.
Both sets of parents will invite their friends, you'll invite friends,
then there's family on both sides. This adds up FAST! Then there's
the budget, the size of the ceremony and reception sites. This sometimes
causes the lists to get smaller. Then the cost per person for dinner
- the list gets smaller again. After all this, you usually had to
take some people off the list. Not everyone is going to be able
to go. Some people won't understand this and they'll be offended.
It's purely selfish, but it happens. They don't take into consideration
the cost and who exactly is paying for it. They don't realize that
2 families are coming together (and these days, with divorced and
remarried parents - there's more sides of families) and trying to
appease everyone most likely will not happen. This is a true test
of friendship. But don't be led by pressure. Keep to your plan of
a budget and certain number of guests. When you start making exceptions
for one person or couple - then you end up making them for everyone!
This
next scenario is a difficult one. The parents may want to invite
every family member that is still living and if that's fine with
you - then great. But if you have to cut your close friends from
the list so your 4th cousin and her boyfriend and his 2 children
can come, and your great Aunt Sally and her 3 kids and 4 grandchildren
- and you've never met them and your parents haven't seen them in
29 years - then it becomes a problem. It may not be possible with
all situations, but if you are able to sit down with your parents
and talk about this - and express your feelings - then that is a
step that needs to be taken. Explain that it is your wedding and
you want your close friends there. People who are important to you
and a part of your everyday lives. When you have your close friends
around you - your wedding day is fun and pleasant and memorable.
When you are surrounded by people you don't know, have no connection
with (other than a name) - then you usually don't enjoy the day,
it doesn't feel comfortable and you will most likely have hard feelings
towards your parents).
When
the parents are paying it will be a somewhat difficult situation,
because most will say that since they are paying for it, then
they can invite who they want to invite. The only thing I can
say to that is this - a wedding day is a celebration for the bride
and groom - the day they start a new life together. It is a celebration
of the two people and their lives (friends and family)
becoming one. If it was their (your parents) wedding and their
parents were inviting all these strangers with no room for their
friends, I am sure they wouldn't want to hear the response they
would give you. Most don't see it this way - but a wedding is
not about the money and who is paying for it. It's a celebration.
A celebration should be joyful. Not a day full of bitterness,
anger and resentment.
One
thing that you must realize as well is that there may be pressure
on them to invite the whole family. They don't want to offend anyone
and therefore will try to appease them all. If they can realize
that they don't need to fall under the pressure of family concerning
your wedding day - then it may be workable. Remember - it's a wedding,
not a family reunion! If you're parents refuse to budge, then you
and your groom can consider paying the cost to cover the friends
you want there. Do your best to come to an agreeable end. You don't
want to stir up strife with your parents. That will accomplish nothing.
Both parties need to handle the concerns with a mature mindset.
If
it is gone about the right way, you don't have to have the whole
world attending your wedding. It can be an intimate affair with
close friends and family and personal style. Comfort and ease
will be present as well as happiness and laughter.
